Continuing my previous article on how a practice of gratitude can be beneficial to your overall well-being and mental health; we now look to a few tangible ways to incorporate gratitude into your every day life...
The 5:1 Principle.
Although I have referenced this exercise numerous times in previous articles and therapy sessions, I find that that it's a tool that is used as often as the screwdriver in my cabinet. This practice is out of the work of John and Julie Gottman, mentioning that it takes about 5 positive traits to counteract any one negative trait. The theory behind the 5:1 principle is that we tend to get caught in a negative spiral in both relationships and the way in which we interact with our world. For my own clients, I often suggest post it notes, written lists and auditory self-affirmations throughout the week as homework. In terms of gratitude, we can practice the 5:1 principle by catching ourselves when we fall into a pattern of negativity. At the point where we come to recognize that were becoming a negative Norman or Nancy, my suggestion is to pause, pull out a pen and paper and start writing 5 things about our lives that we can be thankful for. As simplistic and cheesy as it sounds, this exercise does have the ability to redirect the neurotransmitters in the brain to new pathways, thus bringing on the feel-good chemicals that causes us feel oh-so-groovy.
A Little Compliment Goes a Long Way
Another way in which gratefulness can be put into practice is by affirming others of their positive attributes and presence. In our society, we tend to thrive on criticism, negativity and put downs. Don't believe me? Turn on the Comedy Channel and wait for a laugh track when someone is either insulted or humiliated. It doesn't take long to recognize how we have been conditioned, which often stems from our own family system as well.
While many people are uncomfortable with taking a compliment from another; the good news is that a consistent pattern of gratitude can change the tune of our tango. For beginners, I suggest finding one person to compliment per day. This may be easier to do with strangers, and as awkward as it sounds, I recommend a simple thank you paired with a compliment at either a coffee shop, school or grocery store. After complimenting strangers for a little while, it might be time to get a bit more personal and try complimenting friends and family members.
Believe it or not, a genuine and heart felt compliment has the ability to be the catalyst for changing not only your own social life; but even the fabric and quality of your own relationship with others.
Embrace Uniqueness
One final way to practice gratefulness is to embrace your own personal story as a one of a kind journey that is worth telling and worth living. Folks who fall into negativity tend to play cruel games with themselves and others. One of the deadliest of these games is the comparison game. This game is played two ways. The first is to compare yourself to someone else in a negative way, putting them on a higher pedestal than yourself. By doing this, you will never develop a good sense of self-esteem because you are always trying to be like someone else in order to feel better about yourself. The second is to compare yourself to someone who has a life circumstance that is worse than your own. Although many parents utilize this tactic with their children in an attempt to compel them to eat their vegetables, the end result is a deep and profound sense of shame and often a feeling of low self worth and underserving fate in areas of life beyond the dinner table.
At the end of the day, you are you. You were never meant to be the woman on the magazine cover or the tough guy on TV. And in the words of the greatest doctor that I know, "Today you are you, that is truer than true, there is no one alive that is more you-er than you". You deserve to be happy, you're allowed to be proud of yourself and most of all, you deserve to live a life of purpose. Embracing this is as truth is merely a simple practice of being grateful for the life that you have and the life that you will live tomorrow, the next day and the years to come.
There you have it. Three simple practices that could potentially change your perspective and in time, change the way you think, feel and behave. My hope for you is that you can find ways to make gratitude a part of your normal routine. By doing so, you will not only create a more positive atmosphere for yourself; but the lives of the people around you. I hope that you find this article helpful and thank you for the kind responses, sharing of articles and emails of encouragement. And for those of you who are in the Wellington and Waterloo Region, please know that if you ever feel the need to reach out, I'm only a phone call or email away.
Until Next Time,